Tag Archives: Personal Goals

Jan22

20 Things That Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

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In my never-ending quest for positivity and motivation, I came across the following post and had a moment of confirmation. I hope that the message will do the same for you. #preachingtothechoir

Mental Strength

I often write about the things I believe we all should be doing, trying or experimenting with in order to maximize our success and happiness. However, it’s not always the things we do that make the biggest difference in our lives; it’s often the things we avoid doing that have the biggest effect. As human beings, we have a strong aversion to not doing; we feel that in order to produce results, there must be an initial action.

However, because we are almost always doing something, piling on more and more often has a negative effect, rather than a positive one. Among the mentally strong, there are several actions that are avoided in order to produce the greatest benefit in the shortest period of time. These actions are those that the mentally strong avoid, and that we should consider adapting as our own:

1. Dwelling On The Past
Mentally strong individuals focus on the present moment and on the near future. They understand that the past is out of our control and the far future is about as predictable as the weather this winter.
2. Remaining In Their Comfort Zone
The comfort zone is a dangerous place, a dark abyss where anyone who remains there for too long loses his or herself entirely. Staying within your comfort zone is giving up on life.
3. Not Listening To The Opinions Of Others
Only the foolish believe themselves to be sufficient in all regards. When it comes to brainstorming, ideas can’t so much be forced as they can be caught. A good idea is a good idea, regardless of whether or not you came up with it. Don’t let your ego get the better of you; if someone has great advice to give, take it.
4. Avoiding Change
What the mentally strong understand that the mentally weak do not is that change is unavoidable. Trying to avoid the inevitable is pointless. Therefore, trying to avoid change is pointless; it’s a mere waste of time and energy.
5. Keeping A Closed Mind
You don’t know everything. Even the things you believe yourself to know are likely to not be entirely true. If you keep a closed mind, you are preventing yourself from learning new material. If you stop learning, you stop living.
6. Letting Others Make Decisions For Them
Only you should be making your own decisions; you can’t allow others to make them for you. All this does is shift the responsibility from you to someone else, but the only person failing in the end is you. If you don’t have the courage to fail, then you don’t have the courage to succeed.
7. Getting Jealous Over The Successes Of Others
When others succeed, you should be happy. If they can do it, so can you. The success of others does not, in any way, lessen the chances of you succeeding. If anything, it should motivate you to keep pushing forward.
8. Thinking About The High Possibility Of Failure
Our thoughts control our perspective; our perspective controls our results. The mentally strong understand this and use this to their advantage. There’s always the chance you may fail, but as long as there is the chance you may succeed, it’s worth trying.
9. Feeling Sorry For Themselves
Sh*t happens. Life can be hard. People get hurt; others die. Life isn’t all roses and butterflies. You will fall off that horse again and again and again. The question is, are you strong enough to keep getting back on it?
10. Focusing On Their Weaknesses
Although working on our weaknesses does have its benefits, it’s more important to focus on banking on our strengths. The most well-rounded person is not the person that gets the furthest in life. Being average in all regards makes you average. However, mastering a certain skillset or trait will allow you to beat the competition with less effort.
11. Trying To Please People
A job well done is a job well done, no matter who is judging the final product. You can’t please everybody, but you can always manage to do your very best.
12. Blaming Themselves For Things Outside Their Control
The mentally strong know the things they can control, understand the things they cannot control, and avoid even thinking about that which is completely out of their hands.
13. Being Impatient
Patience isn’t just a virtue; it is the virtue. Most people don’t fail because they aren’t good enough, or aren’t capable of winning or succeeding. Most people fail because they are impatient and give up before their time has come.
14. Being Misunderstood
Communication is key in any properly functioning system. When it comes to people, things get a bit more complicated. Simply stating information is never enough; if the receiving party misunderstands you, your message is not being properly relayed. The mentally strong do their best to be understood and have the patience to clear up misunderstandings.
15. Feeling Like You’re Owed
You aren’t owed anything in life. You were born; the rest is up to you. Life doesn’t owe you anything. Others don’t owe you anything. If you want something in life, you only owe it to yourself to go out and get it. In life, there are no handouts.
16. Repeating Mistakes
Make a mistake once, okay. Make a mistake twice… not so okay. Make the same mistake a third time, you may need to consider giving up alcohol and drugs. You’re either stupid or permanently high.
17. Giving Into Their Fears
The world can be a scary place. Some things frighten us with good cause, but most of our fears are illogical. If you know that you want to try something, try it. If you’re scared, then understand that being scared of failing must mean that succeeding means a whole lot to you.
18. Acting Without Calculating
The mentally strong know better than to act before completely understanding the situation at hand. If you have time to ponder over something and cover all your bases, then do so. Not doing so is pure laziness.
19. Refusing Help From Others
You’re not Superman; you can’t do it all. Even if you can, why should you? If others are offering to help, let them help. Be social. Listen to their ideas and watch how they do things. You may learn something. If not, then you can teach them something and do what humans are meant to do: socialize.
20. Throwing In The Towel
The biggest weakness in all of humanity is giving up — calling it quits, throwing in the towel. The mentally strong go about things in such a way. Only do things if they are important to you; forget the things that aren’t important to you. If they’re important to you, then pursue them until you succeed. No exceptions, ever.

Credit: PAUL HUDSON • JAN 9, 2014

Jan17

Owning Leadership

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Black Female Super Heros 5

As I’m sure that many of you can relate, I’ve had some awful managers over my career. It wasn’t until I became a manager that the definition of good vs bad leader became an acutely sensitive topic for me. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to suck at being a leader. And, it was at the point of questioning the difference that I realized I was still being influenced by my bad experiences with those hideously awful managers. I was experiencing a sort of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that made me run like hell from the next leadership role.

Even with the glaring “DO NOT DRAFT ME AS A LEADER” badge that I wear over my business suits, I continually find myself a habitual leader. Then, in my quest for clarity and self-realization, I found this quote and finally, finally, I get it. I understand why I actually am perfect for the role.

“Leadership is not so much about technique and methods as it is about opening the heart. Leadership is about inspiration— of oneself and of others. Great leadership is about human experiences, not processes. Leadership is not a formula or a program, it is a human activity that comes from the heart and considers the hearts of others. It is an attitude, not a routine.” -Lance Secreten

Jan14

Situational Leadership

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If you are a leader are a manager, you’ve been there. The pressure is on and someone has to ensure productivity. You need to exhibit calm under pressure. Leaders should adopt some proven skills to succeed in the midst of a storm.

Leading In the Storm
Reposted: Personal Advice from Ken Blanchard

Have a positive attitude. Don’t be negative. Your actions can create a positive morale amongst the team. This will be contagious and you will get more out of your team. Try to make your staff believe things are better than they seem, even when the pressure is on. The worst thing you can do is to badmouth any person or department within the company. You can kind of joke about company related issues, but in a lighthearted way. Sometimes a good laugh or feeling of solidarity can work to your benefit, just don’t be malicious or slanderous. It could also come back to haunt you. You would be surprised at the loss of respect you would receive if you acted unprofessionally in this manner. Remember this old adage, “It takes years to build respect, and only seconds to lose it…”

Be passionate about the objectives and organization. When you become passionate about a task, project, or departmental goal, your team will also become passionate. Channel your passion to be the best into your employees. Passion is the key ingredient between being good and being great. You want your department to be exceptional, not just good enough. Be passionate about becoming a world-class organization and your team is sure to follow.

Be enthusiastic and optimistic. Striving for a better future with an energetic drive is contagious. Your team will pick up on the same vibe. They want a better future just as much as you do. Your job is to make them want to be the best and take pride in their work. The more enthusiastic and optimistic you are, the more they can identify with working in a success driven manner.

Jan10

It’s Time To Fly

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For the first time in several years, I am feeling my own enthusiasm about the New Year from everyone in my circle.  Maybe after years of treading water in a bad economy, everyone woke up on January 1, 2014, and said: “Enough!”  Enough whining, enough pessimism, enough fearing that home values will tumble, another Bernie Madoff is already in “pod form” (i.e., Invasion of the Body Snatchers), waiting to take on the body of a Wall Street financier, or that the sky is falling. Just enough already!  

I am very excited by this new optimism, and here’s hoping that it carries over past Valentine’s Day.

The following is reposted from tylerperry.com: “Don’t Stay Too Long” @ Wed, Jan 8, 2014. Perfect message!

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I haven’t written in a while so this is a little long, but it’s so worth your time to read. I was in Wyoming recently and I was taking in the beauty of the place. I mean, I love it. As I was looking up at the mountains I saw an eagle flying above me. I had to stop and take in its majestic beauty. I had never seen a real life eagle.  All I had heard about an eagle was in church when the pastor said that the eagle pushes its young out of the nest to teach it to fly. It really did move me watching this bird that had no doubt been pushed out of the nest and had learned to do what I was watching it do. 
 
I got back to the cabin that evening and I started doing some research on eagles. I was so excited to read the story of how it learned to fly. Well, to my surprise, eagles pushing their young out of the nest is a myth. I was shocked. I know that I heard a preacher say that in church… now I ain’t gonna say that that pastor lied but I will say he didn’t do the research… LOL. So I did it on my own. I did find some interesting facts that got me thinking about life… mine and yours. It’s funny how God can speak through everything. Here’s what I found. Eagles build the biggest nest of all birds. It’s huge, comfortable and deep. One of the most interesting things that I found was the way that the eagle gets its young chicks to fly out of the nest.  For many weeks it brings food to the nest. The little eagles have no worries, they have all they need to survive. But when the adult eagle deems that it’s time for the young eagles to fly, things get uncomfortable.

Now the young eagle doesn’t know that it’s time to fly, but the wisdom and the bird’s eye view of the mother knows that it’s time for the chicks to leave the nest. So you know what she does? She doesn’t bring food to the babies anymore, and this is what I found fascinating. Many times she will fly around the nest with the food in her beak so that the young eagles will be tempted or so hungry that they are forced to fly out of the nest and take it out of her beak. Stay with me I’m going somewhere here. As I thought about this, I thought about my life and how many times I was in a very comfortable space. I had all I needed. There was no need for me to go any further because I was comfortable. I wanted to stay there forever. You have to be careful when you get comfortable and stay too long. It’s easy to stop dreaming when your belly is full. You won’t feel the need to fly at all. 

The truth is, as long as I was there in that really comfortable space, I wasn’t fulfilling my own destiny or my purpose. I wasn’t flying, I was content. Remember this, your greatest prayers are not usually answered in comfort. Think about it. I can really get deep into this with stories from my past but you’re probably tired of reading already… LOL… so I’ll try and wrap it up.

It took an uncomfortable situation or being hungry to make me get out and fly. Many times in life things are going well, but then everything that was so great changes and we wonder why. We wonder what happened. We are caught off guard. I am of the opinion that in those times God, who knows when it’s time for us to leave the nest, is allowing it to become uncomfortable so that we can move on to our next mission in life. Our next hope, our next dream, our next level.

After not realizing this for many years and resisting changes and going through hell, I’m glad to say that I have become so sensitive to when it’s time to move that I will move without having to have the turmoil.  I’m telling you I was so stubborn that the house had to burn down for me to move. Now I know better. I’m aware of when it starts to happen, like things happen that don’t make any sense. People you have been friends with or in business with or otherwise for years just seem to go crazy and you don’t know why. What I’ve learned in those moments is that it is a time to fly. Business changes, jobs go away, friends break your heart, marriages end, relationships end, and most times all these things are signs that it’s time to take flight to your next level.

Nobody likes change, I get it, but don’t be angry or bitter when things change. Don’t be mad with people, especially when you know you did right by them and you did all you could do for the friendship or relationship.  I’m sorry to tell you this my friend, but this moment was not about them it was all about you. I’m telling you if God has allowed you to become so uncomfortable in your situation, whatever it is, then its time for you to move! Don’t be afraid, just fly!

Last thing and then I’m done ;-). there is one part of the eagle story that I haven’t told you yet, and this is my favorite part. If those baby eagles get out of the nest and they are trying to fly and it’s not going well, then that same mother bird that provided for them while they were in the nest, that same eagle will fly under the baby eagle to keep it from falling, to keep it on course, and give it a sense of security. God’s got you, don’t be afraid! He won’t let you fall! Now here’s the question: what situation in your life has become so uncomfortable that you feel like you’re being starved for what you need? Maybe its God’s way of telling you it’s time to fly! It’s time to fly for your own dreams and your own hopes and goals. Fly for true love and real hope. This is your moment to fly, in 2014. Make this the year that you leave the nest without fear.

Jan7

I HAD TO TELL YOU OFF

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Empowerment

I had to tell you off
To be free
I had to tell you off
To really find me

I had to tell you off
In your own place
I had to tell you off
To get you out of my space

I had to tell you off
To understand
That God is sufficient
over any man

I had to tell you off
To love you more
I had to tell you off
And continue to explore
My life that is sufficient
Over any man

I had to tell you off
To turn me on
to the truth and see my rites
I had to tell you off to take flight

Empowerment 2

Jan6

Leadership Is About Emotion

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I found this article refreshing and I agree with Ms. Biro. Show me a leader who is unemotional about their work and I am probably looking at a careless, empty shell of a leader. You simply cannot motivate others if you lack enthusiasm for the work, which provides an emotional compass towards leadership.

Reposted from Forbes Magazine
Meghan M. Biro, Contributor, LEADERSHIP | 12/15/2013 @ Leadership Is About Emotion
Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1000px-Plutchik-wheel_svg

Make a list of the 5 leaders you most admire. They can be from business, social media, politics, technology, the sciences, any field. Now ask yourself why you admire them. The chances are high that your admiration is based on more than their accomplishments, impressive as those may be. I’ll bet that everyone on your list reaches you on an emotional level.

This ability to reach people in a way that transcends the intellectual and rational is the mark of a great leader. They all have it. They inspire us. It’s a simple as that. And when we’re inspired we tap into our best selves and deliver amazing work.

So, can this ability to touch and inspire people be learned? No and yes. The truth is that not everyone can lead, and there is no substitute for natural talent. Honestly, I’m more convinced of this now – I’m in reality about the world of work and employee engagement. But for those who fall somewhat short of being a natural born star (which is pretty much MANY of us), leadership skills can be acquired, honed and perfected.

Dec27

TAKE ANOTHER SHOT…

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As a manager, I had to mature within my own confidence to allow others to be free to make mistakes. I tell my team to “fail hard.” Who am I to insist on what success looks like or dictate a singular path for arriving there? I learn so much from sharing my own failures and those of others. We’ll get there… as long as the end goal is mutually understood.

Dec22

SUNDAY REFLECTIONS

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Philippians 4:11-12

11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

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Dec20

I’m Still Excited! TenaciousM Cannot Be Edited

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I am reflecting on the occasions when I have been told to “tone it down” or edit the flash. Why? What is wrong with my big color and glamour? I think that the most important feature in anyone is authenticity. So, why should I dim my candle to make others comfortable with me? If God wanted me to be meek and unimposing, I figure He would have rethought the six foot tall height and instinctive desire to make everything around me bold and beautiful. The holidays give me a great opportunity to decorate my world from hearth to heart! Love, love, love the parties and chances to shower the people I love with gifts and gratitude. I am so very fortunate to belong to the amazing family and friends of mine. As for my gift from them… I am cool with the unconditional love that I receive throughout the year just for being me!

New-Lipstick-Launches

STEPPING OUT LIKE A DIVA… A good lipstick is like a good friend. It’s there when you need it, it’s always good for a confidence boost, and when you find a great one, you want to keep expanding your circle. Which is why you’re going to love this roundup of the newest lipsticks that are hitting shelves now. With formulas and colors this sumptuous and luxurious, you’re going to need a bigger makeup bag for the holidays and all year.

Dec16

Let’s Elevate

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Do something to help someone today whether they are aware of it or not.
Believe me, YOU will feel amazing! ELEVATE!!
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